My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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