you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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