I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
