One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
