don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
