So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
