I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
