birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
