32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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