doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
