he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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