mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
