i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
