i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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