i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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