I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize