and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
