Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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