who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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