oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
