Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
