watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The air was thick with penises
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
