do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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