I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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