census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize