I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
