you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
