Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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