She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
