i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
