I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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