I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize