ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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