Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
