Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
