If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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