I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
