Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
