You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize