I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
