Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
