wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
