The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
