Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
you made out with another girl for some wings
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
