I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
