dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
