Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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