There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
