And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Duck Duck Cougar?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
