she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
