You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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