All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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