i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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