She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she smelled like a LAN party
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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