You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
