Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
