Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
do herpes really smell.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize