How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize