Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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