i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
