i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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