i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
