If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
