So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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