i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
