Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
