It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
