we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
