I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
