I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
