oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
