Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
