I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
