dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize