Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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