So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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